Day 46 May 1st

What a beautiful walk this morning! It was warmer and the sun was full and bright offering me energy for the day! I joined my fitness group live later for the most intense workout of the week! 250 squat jumps and a 3 minute plank were just a part of the challenge! I felt great after though!  After my walk I enjoyed my God time and did some reflecting in my journal. 

This afternoon the Governor updated and lifted some restrictions and presented a plan to have us open up again. There are four phases. We will begin phase 2 on Monday.  This allows some non-essential stores to open but at a low capacity. We are essentially no longer on a stay at home order but we are to stay in our area and should wear masks if we go out.  There are a lot of responsibilities placed on the companies to make sure they don’t have too many people in the store and that people are wearing masks and checking employees each day for fever and symptoms. I am not sure if this will work! I just can’t see these places complying and putting in the effort that it will take to do all this. 

I also do not see people actually wearing masks and social distancing themselves but we will see. There is an expected spike in cases. It is clear that the state wanted to be sure we had enough room in the hospitals for those that will be sick after opening more, and apparently we do so it is okay to let us out because we will have the help we need when we get sick. 

I have mixed feelings about all of this. I feel more stressed with things opening up because it means there will be more sickness and death. I understand why we must open back up, I just wish there was some way to do all of this but still cut down on the deaths.

For our family, since 65 and older are still not able to go out yet, we will be staying home and will continue our isolation.  We will be just as diligent as we were. Honestly nothing has changed as far as the safety of the community, in fact by opening more up it has become more unsafe because more people will be out spreading the virus. We are blessed to be able to shelter in place and we are content doing so as long as we need. We really are missing our friends and family and look forward to the day that we can be with them again.  We have missed several gatherings and will miss another on Mother’s day. It is very hard, but worth keeping Nancy and the family safe. 

This evening we took a beautiful bike ride. Went almost 9 miles.  We went to a nearby park area that has lots of land and open space so we threw a sheet out and had some snacks and played catch for a bit, blew some bubbles, did some cartwheels, climbed a tree and then rode back home.   

When we got back from the bike ride Addie was upset and went to her room.  I was getting ready to join my social hour via Zoom with my fitness group when I went in to check on her.  This is when she unloaded on me. At this point I knew I wouldn’t be joining the social hour but I am glad I made the choice to stay with her. 

She said that she felt very angry about the virus and how she has lost everything she loves and feels like she will never get it back. She was sobbing.  She really is going through the stages of grief. Once I calmed her down a little I asked if she wanted to take a walk with me and she agreed. On our walk I didn’t say much of anything. I just let her talk out her problems as she went in and out of tears.. 

When we got back to the house we sat on the porch talking some more. Overall the virus and the situation we are in is causing her a lot of anxiety and stress. She wants school, friends, family and piano practice back. Everything she loves came to a halt when we went on lockdown. She is so sad about all the sickness and death. She had so many questions about things she had heard and about God and what he is doing during this time. I tried to reassure her that we will get these things back at some point but also affirmed that this really sucks and it is okay for her to be angry, sad, anxious or whatever!  We also talked quite a bit about the spiritual aspect of this all. About 2 hours later, she ate a quick snack and then was able to fall asleep quickly.

Final thoughts and challenge: It was an emotional day between the new phases being released and Addie’s struggles. I also had many good emotions from the beautiful morning and amazing time with the family this afternoon but overall, if I am honest, I feel overwhelmed by everything.  

I feel now we have to defend ourselves for staying in and I think it will get harder as time goes by. Honestly, I think we will be in phase 2 for much longer than anticipated due to our numbers still increasing quickly.  Either way, our goal will remain the same, to keep Nancy safe.

 I am just all over the place in my mind. I don’t feel like I can do well enough to get my kids through this without damage! I just feel tired and run down about all this. I am sure it will all be okay! I am okay! LOL

How are you doing? How is your family doing? Are your restrictions being lifted? Are you afraid of re-entry? Maybe you need to take a long walk to just get everything out:)

One thought on “Day 46 May 1st

  1. I’m doing good. I think everyone here is doing well. Emma would like to get out of the house a little more but is feeling better then she has been. I’m sure the weather and going to Mom’s helped a lot. We didn’t have the option to isolate ourselves because of JTs job, all of Clementine’s doctor appointments, grocery shopping, etc. so we won’t go through a re-entry phase and aren’t afraid.

    I will be praying for Addie Sue and you! Love you!!

    Liked by 1 person

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