Day 88 June 12th

This morning was cool and beautiful and I had a nice surprise!! As I headed out did my run I looked ahead and there was another runner coming my way! It was my cousin! From there we walked back to her house and then I ran home! It was such an unexpected treat!! I am so blessed by our friendship! 

When I returned there was Parker patiently waiting! We read the next two chapters in his book! The character in the book at the first worm today and it was actually a night crawler.  Parker was pretty grossed out and not because he ate the worm but because of the condiments he put on it. He is so funny!

After reading I had some time with God. The theme this week has been lament (a passionate expression of grief or sorrow). The idea that we go to God with our pain and suffering and cry out to him asking why and sharing our real pain with him.  Bridgetown focused on this week being a week of lament.  They discussed how the church in general does not practice lament and does not do enough teaching on it.  Many of the Psalms are people lamenting.  They walked listeners through how they could practice lamenting and encouraged us to do so.  My thoughts on this are conflicted.

I agree, we do need to be honest with God and we can certainly cry out to him in any way that we feel we need to. One man gave an example of when he was a young boy he ran up to his daddy and was so upset with him for some reason and he climbed up on his lap and started pounding on his chest screaming, “I hate you daddy!” and questioning why he made the decision he did and so on, finally the man said he wore down and as he was curled up in his daddy’s lap fell asleep. He said his dad later told him, he looked down at him and thought two things, one I am so thankful that my son feels safe enough to express his true feelings to me and second, he said this as a beautiful sight of what lament is. It is coming to our father and banging on his chest and questioning why we have the pain we have and then eventually finding a place of rest and peace where we are invited by his love.  

The only thing that threw me off was planning a week of lament. I feel we should lament daily if needed. I don’t like the idea of planning it.  I hope if there is anyone out there that feels guilty about going to God with a broken heart and questioning Him or even blaming him and working through that, that you would come to a place of comfort and peace when needing to do so. Jesus tells us “blessed are they that mourn…” Matt 5:4 So feel free to express yourself and ask God for what you need, anytime, anywhere and watch Him work! 

After my God time Aaron and I were able to have some kid free time as we ran some errands. We took some yard waste to biosolids, picked up a couple of curbside Target items, got a car wash and went to Menards. They require masks for everyone so we felt very comfortable being in there and we sanitized very well! We picked out the house paint to paint the exterior and got a few other things. Aaron braved Steak N Shake and enjoyed it very much. 

Later in the afternoon we had the cousins over again! We had a fire and visited.  Aaron and I used the new chain saw to cut up a bunch of old wood boards that needed to be burned and then kept throwing it on the fire. 

When putting the kids to bed I laid with Alaina for a bit as she read to me. She has been needing some alone time. Addie did as well! I had scheduled a walk for her and I for this evening but her stomach was hurting so we sat by the fire and talked through some things there. She resolved that she is not sure she will need a husband because he might hold her back from her goal of working with animals in another country.  LOL! 

Final thoughts and challenge: When thinking of lamenting to the Lord, I typically am lamenting about ongoing issues with myself that I am unable to get under control or maybe something that keeps resurfacing in my marriage. I am not afraid to do this often. Am I abnormal in this? I feel as though my relationship with God is more open than with my own husband. I mean after all God knows all my thoughts and feelings anyway so why hide anything? Might as well be my true self! 

Do you struggle with feeling guilty for being angry at God or questioning him or lamenting to him? Are you open to trying to express how you really feel to him and ask him for what you are needing or wanting?

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